Who I Am

I am the child who was forced to anticipate your unwritten rules, lest I be shamed for messing up, or worse.
I am the child you told would have to achieve, or face yet more unspecified consequences.
I am the child you shamed with judgemental comments about my body, something I could do nothing about.
I am the child you terrified, when you screamed at me for grieving my dead grandfather.

I am YOUR child. Did you not see me? Or did you see what you hated in yourself, and want to snuff it out?

I am the teenager who was too afraid to fight back against the bullies who tormented me. I feared my own strength, yet I also feared you because I was still your child, and believed you would sooner punish me than stand up for me.
I am the teenager who tortured herself to be thin, because I believed my worth and acceptance depended on fitting the norm society, my peers, and my own mother flogged at me.
I am the teenager who sought solace and acceptance in the arms of an older boyfriend, who was interested in little more than sexual exploitation.
I am the teenager who believed she had to strive for perfection to even be loved.
I am the teenager who believed in the religion you shoved down my throat, that I would burn in hell for my inability to measure up to both your ideals and the ideals of a supposedly loving god, to whom I was also unlovable.

I am YOUR daughter. Did you see me for who I was, or the unrealistic reflection of yourself you wanted me to be?

I am the young woman who went out into the world, afraid to trust yet too needful of acceptance to protect myself.
I am the young woman who gave too much of herself in every respect, because I felt I was only worth what I could give to others, whether that meant my time, my money, or my body.
I am the young woman who didn’t know who she was because I had never been allowed to be myself, or was ever loved for myself.

Now I am older, replete with the battle scars of youth and a few silver tendrils of wisdom.

I am a person who was always beautiful, though I was told and believed otherwise for far too long.
I am stronger than the fragility of the small minds who tried to tame my body, my spirit, and my will.
I am gifted with empathy for others who have been abused.
I am loved by people who see me for who I am, not for who they wanted me to be.
I am someone worth fighting for, someone worth protecting.
I am angry… But that is a far cry better than being numb.
I am intelligent in ways that the old tests and report cards were too limited to describe.
I am a force to be reckoned with, and will, ’til my dying breath, use that strength to help others see who they really are.
I am not who you told me I was.
I am just getting started.


4 comments on “Who I Am

  1. You are none of those things, you are perfect, beautiful, smart, and ready to live the life you chose for yourself. I honor your brave, honest, truth.

  2. Powerful…thank you for sharing…at some point in the recovery process I woke up and looked back one morning right out of sleeping and recognized how much I sold myself short because I was so ‘hungry’ I didn’t realize just how little I was willing to accept. That is the one upside to this experience, I learned a lot and was able to connect the dots. I believe the repetition compulsion is healed. Thank you for sharing…

  3. Darn it girl! I’d finally stopped crying, and here I go again.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Valois Instrument Optique

Alignement Machine a Papier

Knowing the Narcissist

Read and understand all about narcissists from the best source possible. A narcissist himself.

Butter Makes Your Pants Fall Off

Food is the Best Medicine and Fat is the best Food

Sarafina Bianco

Friends call me Fina.

Surviving Narcissistic Abuse

Moving forward towards freedom, hope, and happiness.

The Babushkas of Chernobyl

A story of three unlikely heroines from the most toxic place on Earth

No, Not Baby Anymore.

I know the pieces fit. . . cause I watched them fall away.

Emily L. Hauser - In My Head

Writer, social activist, a lot of Israel/Palestine, and general mental rambling

Dating a Sociopath

The truth will set you free!

Hidden Scars

A Voice Through Trauma

The Belle Jar

"Let me live, love and say it well in good sentences." - Sylvia Plath

Jana and the Stone : A Blog

Inspirational Thoughts on Empowerment, Fitness, Spirituality and Love

Matt on Not-WordPress

Stuff and things.

Dree Speaks Freely

Clearing My Thoughts. Speaking My Mind. On My Own Terms.

Greed Vs Creed: Smith's Fields of Shame

Autobiography, Attempted Murder, Assassins, Greed, Lust, Cover-up, Lies, Destruction, Betrayal, Explosive, Highly Litigate Lawsuit, History, Criminal Intent, Cointelpro, Break-ins, HDS, FBI, CIA, Unmarked Plane Stalking, Electronic Surveillance, Neighborhood Watch, Electronic Harassment, Directed Energy Weapons, Psychological Operations, MkUltra, DOD Directive 5240.1-R , War on Terror, Wicca Rituals, Vampires, Gang Stalking, Electronic Harassment, Mircrowave, Scalar, Lasers, Reputation Destruction, Mind Control, Radiation Exposure, Corruption, Politics, Propaganda, Domestic Terrorism, Bioterrorism, Falsifications, False Flag Operations, Threat Assessments

Psychopath Resistance

Learn how to recognize them. Then you can resist them.

Everyday Red Flags

The Discernment Project


Psychopathy Awareness

An Upturned Soul

Sometimes I Climb the Walls and Lie on the Ceiling

Silver Boundary

Stop the abuse and attract authentic love.

The 4 - Hour Body

An uncommon guide to rapid fat-loss, incredible sex, and becoming superhuman


Achieving strength through weakness


Just another WordPress.com site

ronald scott ippolito

a man to stay away from


My mind in motion, reflecting the movies it plays.


"Until this ghastly tale is told, this heart within me burns" (Coleridge)

b-R-o-K-e-N 101

Journal recovery from an emotional affair


Support for survivors of domestic violence, rape and fraud

Soul Healing Art

by Kimberly Harding

Rule of Stupid

Reading, writing and a-rhythmic tics

Reflections on Life Thus Far

My life. My story: Exploring mental health, spirituality, meditation & random thoughts I have

The Project: Me by Judy

The Tools I Wish I'd Known About Sooner

I Won't Take It

Life After an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Lexicon Lover

DERAILED- Life After Childhood Complex Trauma

BroKen, Not Shattered!

Living a life with PTSD

Quotes from an Emotional Cheater

Remembering it all, one bullsh*t line at a time


Down to Earth Spirituality

Finding my way back home...

Where names have been changed to protect the guilty. Because innocence has been lost...


Essays From the Cougar Den

Ladywithatruck's Blog

There is no rhyme or reason with a narcissist. Carrie gives you Reimer Reason

Deliberate Donkey

we're telling secrets here

My journey of healing from psychological abuse

psychological abuse is very prevalent in our day and age, though few know how to recognize it

Keep It Up, David!

I'm slimming down and not stopping now.


the lived experience of being dead inside

%d bloggers like this: