I’ve had the privilege of finding so many kindred spirits lately, others who know so well the baggage and hurdles of having been raised under narcissistic influence.
A lot of what I see written about (and write about, myself) is about the negative side of being an ACoN. So, today, I’m choosing a slightly different perspective from which to view the effects of my upbringing and other challenges.
TheWeirdPhilosopher recently blogged about her vivid “thought life”, and it occurred to me that perhaps what she experiences isn’t so unusual. Every school report card I had as a kid reported my “daydreaming”. I know I was bored in school, which I thought was explanation enough, but maybe there is more to it. Quite frankly, I’m bored and often daydreaming at work, too – seldom am I fully present where my body is at any given moment, either.
Narcissistic households are inherently controlling households. We are often raised to hold certain opinions (those of our parents), and often to unquestioningly worship the same deities (as our parents). We are often told, or it is implied, how we are to look and behave, and who we are to be. Our worth, instead of being allowed to shine from within, is dictated from the outside.
So how does this relate to our inner worlds? Maybe, just maybe, some or most of us ACoN’s are so “in our heads” as a coping mechanism. Having a rich inner life kept us from being “assimilated by the Borg”. We are truly not extensions of our narcissists, no matter how badly they insist otherwise. They can do a lot to mold us and shape us, and they may succeed in distorting us, but as long as we are still (even silently) thinking our own thoughts, holding our own opinions, and even harboring our own fears and doubts, we still ultimately own our selves. And maybe the more a person retreats inwards, the greater and more vibrant is the spirit they are trying to preserve.
The positive takeaway: We’re an imaginative bunch. Maybe we haven’t quite found the right outlets for our creativity yet, but it’s there – narcissists be damned.